DABBLER SCRIBBLES

It was Rudra’s 5^th gaze at the building today. He comes every day to the park with his umbrella and gaze at the 7^th floor of the Mortan Apartments at least once, but today he was all stuck there.

                                  Handling the company’s marketing, he earned great and had all the luxuries one can mention. He had no regrets but a pile of flashing memories and now that his friends moved to other state except him, he craved for those days more…and today he stood there wishing for the old days to return.

        5 years ago while studying in the state engineering college Rudra managed to make few acquaintances and eventually friends for life time. Arnav, Neel and Alok shifted with him to the 7^th floor of the Mortan Apartments and lived there for the rest of the college years.

      It was already drizzling now and Rudra drew his umbrella out while still staring at the balcony of his room on the 7^th floor. A tear fell from his eyes and soon disappeared in the rain.

                    5^th of July, the same day as today when he heard few noises of people talking in his locked room while he was trying to open the door. Arnav, Neel and Alok have all suddenly gone out for various reasons and Rudra had none to share the bliss of his birthday, his 19^th birthday.

                                      He never celebrated his birthday, neither at the orphanage nor at the community school. It was his scholarship that allowed him a study at the state college and he was always more reserved than rest. But today he craved for a companion… he swiftly inserted the key in the door lock and twisted once, the noises calmed, and he twisted twice. He grabbed the door knob and opened the door.

             “I wish they were here”, he muttered while turning the lights on………

                               Happy Birthday to you,

                               Happy Birthday to you,

                               Happy Birthday dear Rudra,

                              Happy Birthday to you!!!!

                                   Arnav, Neel and Alok sang their lungs out with a little cake in their hands. 

                    A tear rolled down his cheeks and he hugged them with a smile and all the bliss he can.!!!!

 He snapped out of his memories.  “Miss you guys”, he whispered while still staring at the building!! Miss you! 

“Look at the man out there, I am sure he must be low born”. Friday evening and Utkarsh and Tavish were on their way back from office. Bound in their formals, though the perfectness has worn out by the day’s work, they were still logically well dressed. 7 pm it was and their office cab broke down compelling them to take the bus. Packed with passengers from all walk of life they could secure a little space to stand near the back seats ensuring a seat away from Mrudhan, a dowdy dressed middle aged guy who has rightfully settled himself on the seats reserved for the low born.

                            Utkarsh was high born and had his ideals shaped to meet his reputation. He often avoided contact with the low born(s).

                                       More than a century has passed since the walls of castes have fallen but Utkarsh was still holding the pillars strong in spite of his magnificent education and equality speeches that Tavish offers him every now and then.

      The bus jerked to stop and Utkarsh was sucked to the front along with the rest but he managed to avoid a physical contact with Mrudhan.

                                          The bus moved and Utkarsh sprung back to his little space feeling victorious of his avoidance. 8:30 pm and the city looked as pretty as the newly wed bride with the lightings. With a rush of vehicles on road the city looked alive and the delicious aroma from “Karachi Bakery” reminded Utkarsh of his hunger.

                             “Tavish have you still got the bar? I am hungry”, Utkarsh urged while still having a last peep at the Bakery which now was left behind. Tavish drew the bar and Utkarsh adeptly tore the cover and smuggled a piece into his mouth.

                                         Before he could realize, he seemed to have already taken in a big piece and was already coughing his lungs out. He needed water and none seem to have. He was coughing hard now holding the iron bars of seats with Tavish beside him standing helpless. A hand with a bottle made its way from the little mob of the passengers and urged Tavish to take it. Utkarsh peeped up and saw Mrudhan extending his bottle to him. Utkarsh couldn’t forgo the pressing urge for water that he seemed to have finally left the pillars of difference and grabbed the bottle, drank to finally cool his lungs.

                       Yes the pillar of difference has finally fallen and Utkarsh stood there holding the bottle not trying to match his embarrassed eyes with the low born.!!!

      

It was not before the fall of spring that he realized what he was getting into. Why his nights go insomniac, why he feels a rush of blood every time now, why he fumbles or at times end up eating all the words, why he plays that song again and again, why he couldn't get his classes right anymore. So many whys and he has already waited over a year to understand the feeling.

      The little green plant, the 5 pebbles on his table, his books, the box of his favorite pens and his beautiful diary, everything lay untouched for over a week now. He doesn't sit at his table anymore, he doesn't write a new verse or even utter a word. Calm and drenched in his thoughts.

                 Staring out of his room’s window, letting the breeze feel his breathe, gazing at the stars at night, watching the leaves of his orange blossom tree dance, counting her only picture in his phone over and over again. 1248 times … 1249 times now and it was not before the fall of spring, when the orange blossom tree decided to bloom for him, not before the fireflies decided to glow for him on that moonless night, not before the picture in his phone smiled back at him, not before he played her favorite song over a million times and not before he closed his eyes over a shooting star and whispered to himself, “I love her, damn I do”, that he knew that he was in love.

Down at soul where I breathe my dreams,

The voice of my heart screams,

I have fumbled, fallen million times,

Hold my hand and show what love means,

I have burnt myself in the rains,

Felt it deep till my veins,

For this life and all the ones to come,

With you in it now, is all which means,

Down at soul where I breathe my dreams

Can’t breathe without you anymore,

My love, the heart screams.